The Nugget: Apology

Dear Uncle John,

Please accept my sincerest apology. On behalf of my son, who attacked you - fists flying - the night you so kindly took him camping. Let's just say the boy sleeps like his father...

Overheard

Daddy: "Cam, do you want a piece of this cheese?"

Camden: "Well, I'd have to take tiny, tiny, tiny, tiny, tiny, tiny bites."

Daddy: "So, do you want some or not?"

Cam: "Well, I'd have to take tiny, tiny, tiny, tiny..."

Mommy: "Cam, why would you need to take tiny, tiny, tiny, tiny, tiny, tiny bites?"

Cam: "Well, it doesn't taste very good."

Aunt Amy: "Nico, you're too smart for your own good."

Jake: "I think I am, too."

Jen: "Please give your baby brother a gun. And you, please die when the baby shoots you."

A homework battle...

Jake: "What's with all the criticism today?!"

Daddy: "Well, you're doing it wrong."

Camden, while reading: "Rick Riordan started a sentence with 'and!'"

Overheard...

Camden, to Nico: "Don't worry. You'll know Bubby because you will feel the love."

Jake: "Sometimes I crack myself up. Like right now, when I wrote this first part of my comic strip. Good job, me!"

Camden: "Remember this, women are crazy. Choose wisely whom you will marry."

Jake, totally offended: "Dad, Cam says Jake's Turd is too small!"

Camden: "Sometimes I dream that I'm at school and I don't have any pants or underpants on. I'm in the hallway and lots of other classes are going by. And I think, 'Maybe they won't notice.' Actually, I dream that a lot."

Kindergardner, staring at my giant belly: "What do you have in there?"

Primary Leader: "If you put good things into your body, good things will come out of it!"

Porter: "Ewww!"

Jake: "...plain and circle."
Mommy: "I think you mean plain and simple."
Jake: "What's that?"

Camden: "What do you calli t when you escape from jail?"
Mommy and Daddy: ?
Camden: "You know! It's a piece of meat!"
Mommy and Daddy: "Oh! On the lamb!"

Camden: "I'm at an amusement park and I'm amused!"

Camden: "This is a hang-out!"
I'm pretty sure he meant "hold-up."

Primary leader, to Sunbeam: "Do you remember the day you were created?"
Why were Dan and I the only ones dying over that one?

Bubby: "Wouldn't it be neat if we had millions of dollars? We could live in a big castle and have servants to cook and clean for us."
Camden: "Mom!"

Camden, at IHOP: "This place serves pancakes all day? Even at breakfast?!"

Mommy: "Camden, what are you doing?"
Camden: "Trying to look like Mr. Bean."

Daddy: :Move your bum."
Camden: "Just sit on it."

Jake: "That. Movie. Was. Awesome."

Mommy: "Camden, you are going to fall and crack your head open and we are going to be in the hospital for Christmas."
Camden: "That's okay. You can bring the toys to me there."

Mommy, after passing Jake leaving the room in a huff: "Are you playing nicely?"
Camden: "No."
At least he's honest.

Camden: "The nuts are what hold on the penis."

Jake: "When I feel something gooey I take my finger out of my nose."

Camden: "You are being mean! Just like Daddy was this weekend!"
Jake: "Yeah, Mom. We expect it from Daddy, but I'm really disappointed in you!"

Camden, after getting the flu-mist: "Can I still pick my nose?"

Camden: "Let's stay up all night and we can be vegetarians!"

Buddy: "Why do you have so many scriptures? They're all over your house!"

Camden: "You never know where you'll be when you need to learn the gospel."

Camden, on why he doesn't need aloe on his sunburn: "I'm a man."

Camden, after dissecting a slug: "Now I know what our brains look like, because everyone's brains are the same. Except dinosaurs."

Jake: "Boys are tough and strong so they can take care of girls."
Camden: "And girls are sweet and nice so they can be spies."

Jake, after a talk by President Boyd K. Packer: "I really like that old guy."

About a worm...
Camden: "The first bite tasted good, but the second bite didn't. So I put the rest back in the dirt."

Camden: "Owen said he's my BFF forever."

Jake: "Ridiclious!"

Camden, on why he couldn't sleep: "Jake is annoying me by smiling."
(editor's note: the room was pitch black...)

Jake, after eating too much popcorn: "I ate them two-by-two instead of one-by-one!"

Jake, about a video game: "This one has mutant children."
Bubby: "What are mutant children?"
Jake: "They're just like smaller mutants."

Jake: "So you'd rather have kids and look like this than not have kids and look cute."

Jonah (a little buddy): "That smells like dog!"
Jen: "What does?"
Jonah, pointing at the dog: "That."

Camden, wielding sword: "Jake! Compare to die!"

Camden: "Can I have a leatherneck for snack?"
He wanted fruit leather. No, we don't eat Marines at our house.

Mommy: "Camden, you have to keep your clothes on at church."

Camden, half a second after taking the last bite of ice cream: "Hey! Where's my ice cream?!"
Yes, he was serious.

Clark: "The Halloween hotdog is really under-appreciated."

Camden: "Look! A dummy!"

Mommy: "I think that's a mummy."

Camden, singing: "Got mud on your face, You're a big cheesecake..."

Camden: "I think I'm going to have a pretty wife because you have a pretty husband."

Natalie (the cute little sister of a buddy): "Whoever wins gets the girl - which is me!"

Camden: "What are we having for dinner tonight?"

Mommy: "I haven't decided yet."

Camden: "I hope you don't decide until it's time to eat!"

Mommy: "Why?"

Camden: "Because then we can have mac-n-cheese! Or nuggets!"

Hairdresser: "What's your last name?"

I told her.

Hairdresser: "Are you sure?"

Um. Yes.

Camden: "I really love Jesus. I wish I could be just like Him."

Jake, about go-karting: "This is the first time I've ever experienced anything like this!"

Curious George Narrator: "Being a cat, Noki found it exhausting to watch somebody else doing so much work."

Jake: "I'm going to marry the prettiest Mormon girl I can find."

Bubby, about a paper airplane: "Straighten your nose."

Jake turns and tries to straighten his nose. You know, the one on his face!

Jake: "How long have you had your diamond ring?"

Mommy: "Nine years."

Jake: "Wow! You must be really old!"

Jake, on his way up to the second floor of the Marine Corps Museum: "I get a nerf attack when I go up high. But don't worry. I won't pee all over the place."

Fran: "It must be hard being a teenager. Making sure the world keeps revolving around you."

Jake: "I'm just crazy about Heather!"

(Heather is our super-cute babysitter.)

a long-distance phone conversation...
Jake: "Dad, you wouldn't believe the terrible things that have been going on around here since you left."
Daddy: "Oh, you mean like that fit you threw the other day?"
Jake: "Yeah."

Camden, in response to Mommy's singing: "Stop making that noise!"

Della: "They're just your average buffoons, like me."

Camden, sound asleep: "Mom! Look! He took his eyebrows off!"

Camden, on the phone with Daddy: "So, how been you doing down there? ... "I bet you better wear your flack jacket every day!"
(Oh, Mommy sure hopes not!)

little girl leaving wedding reception: "I met a lot of grown-ups tonight! That was so fun!"

Camden, sitting on my lap: "Mom, your freckles are prickling me!"
I guess I need to shave...

Jake: "Camden, I'm in love with Taylor Swift."
Della (who is bald): "Now I know why people have hair!"
Jake: "I have something in my head that's called 'imagination.' I just imaginate all the time!"

Heather (our way-cute babysitter): "So, Camden, which do you like better, Star Wars or Transformers?"
Camden: "Well, persniply..."
(I didn't here his answer, I was busy giggling.)

Camden: "Today was a great day! We went straight to school and then straight to Jonah's house and then straight to Jake's school and then straight to piano and then straight to crack my head open and then straight to our game!"

Jake was less than pleased with dinner...
Camden: "Jake, I don't want to hear your anger about this!"

During family scripture study...
Mommy: "So Lehi was in a field..."
Camden: "And he saw a COW!"
Jake: "With white fruit growing on it!"
(followed by much giggling)
Yes, we're very reverent.

Jake fell off the couch...
Mommy: "What did you hit?"
Jake: "The ground!"

Jake: "I think it hurts worse than the dickens!"

Jake: "I'm a venomous snake!"
Camden: "I'll get you, vitamin snake!"

Jake, upon seeing the blanket of snow this morning: "This is the day I've been waiting for my whole life!"

Mommy told Camden he had to finish his lunch before he could go play...
Camden: "If you don't stop being mean, I'm not going to...well, I'll still like you...but...uhhh!"

Jake, half-asleep: "I want to give you a hug, but I can't seem to get up."

Dan: "I think Camden might be smart. It's possible. Don't you think?"

Camden was all excited that we were getting a new bishop...until the new bishop got up to bear his testimony.
Camden, disappointed: "That's not Arock Obama!"

Jake: "Are you telling me that I have to go downstairs and get myself in trouble?!"

Camden: "All fingers up!" When something tastes too good for just two thumbs.

Jake starts climbing over someone's fence.
Della: "Jake, what are you doing?!"
Jake: "I want to climb on that roof!"

Daddy and Camden were having a bit of a disagreement...
Jake (starts laughing): "I love watching you two fight!"
Thanks for breaking the tension, Jake!

Jake: "Uncle Clark has a huge meatball!"
I think he meant "mole."

Teacher: "Jake, you're so smart. I know you're going to be in AP classes, like history, when you're in high school."
Jake: "Well, I have other choices. I like Army stuff and art too. I have lots of choices."
Teacher: "You really are smart!"

Camden: "You're over-reacting, Jake!"
Jake: "What does that mean?"
Camden: "I don't know."

A case of a little misunderstanding...
Daddy: "Oh, that's only for people who have happiness."
Camden: "I do have a penis!"

mommy: "Camden I have told you too many times to stop hitting. You know better."
Camden: "I know, but my heart told me to do it!"

Jake: "Hey! You're stealing my germs!"
(He was really ticked that his brother was using his whistle.)

Jake: "Who's Joe the Plumber?"
Daddy: "A plumber named Joe."
Jake, astounded: "Then WHY are they always talking about him?!"

Jake: "Mmmm! Mommy, you smell like refreshments!"

Camden (in response to some teasing by Daddy): "Jesus told me that's not true!"

Camden: "I'm so embarrassed!" I think he meant "excited."

At Kindergarten Orientation...
Teacher: "The children may not bring any toy weapons to school."
Camden: "What about real weapons?"

An example of the differences between my boys. Jake calls it "instruction paper," while Camden calls it "destruction paper." I call it "construction paper.

Camden: "Drinking water helps my spit-powers!"

During Primary...
Bishop: "Who knows what faith is?"
Camden: "That's one of our cousins!"

Dan: "Boys, tomorrow you'll be in Sharks!"
Jake: "But not in sharks' tummies!"
(editor's note: Sharks is the next level in swim lessons.)

Dan: "That's the problem with having edible pets."

Jake thought Mayonnaise seemed "impressed." (translation: depressed)

Camden: "I'm glad I'm not a girl. So I don't have those big things on my chest."

Camden, playing soccer: "We're the Remericans!"

Jake, after getting out of the pool: "Mommy, my belly button's acting like a bucket!"

Camden's favorite part of a trip to the grocery store: visiting with the "hamsters!" (translation: lobsters)

Mommy: "Camden, you're such a big boy!"
Camden: "No I'm not."
Mommy: "Are you a little boy?"
Camden: "No!"
Mommy: "What are you?"
Camden: "I'm thirsty!"

Jake was on the phone with Bubby and couldn't think of the word he wanted to use.
Jake: "Bubby, my brain just ran out of gas. I'm going to have to fill it up."

Jake: "Daddy, I'm not a brave little toaster!"

Jake: You're doing great, Camden!
Camden: What?
Jake: You're shooting great! How many baskets have you made?
Camden: Zero.
Jake: Oh...well...keep trying...

According to Camden, our weather lately has been "gorgeous!" Said with a perfect southern drawl...

Jake, about Poppy's long hike: "Oh, that is really, really, really, really, really long! I got tired even saying that!"

Camden saw a "ladderpillar" (translation: "caterpillar")

Camden: "I just want to be with my favorite guy!" How can you say no to manipulation like that?

Jake: "It's an e-mom-gency!"

Camden: "I just can't get rid of this sadness." Said when told it was time to get ready for bed.

Mom: "I love you."
Jake: "I love bunnies."
Mom: "Bunnies?"
Jake: "Yes, they're very cute."

Tuesday, May 19, 2009

Apology

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